Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
