Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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