This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
