It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
