Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
