My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
