thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
