You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Randomize
