i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
