I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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