She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Barsexuality is the new black.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
