I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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