He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
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