yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
