I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
Randomize
