He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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