Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Randomize
