nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Dignity is for republicans.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
