I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Randomize
