My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Watching her eat just hurts me
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
All I want is dick and wine.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
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