So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
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