She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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