chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
