is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
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