So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Randomize
