i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
