My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
