i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Randomize
