Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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