We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Randomize
