It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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