Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
