Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
