You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
I need water and some morals
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
