let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Randomize
