Michael Bay diarrhea
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
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