Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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