My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
