I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
