I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Randomize
