It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
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He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
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I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
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