I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
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