so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
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