I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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