I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
