just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I just blew my weed a kiss
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
did you just send me my own nude
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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