Do you still have your period?
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Randomize
