'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
