When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
