I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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