You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
Randomize
