I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
