2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
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