i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Randomize
