Sry I called you an 8
I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Randomize
