my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
It's just like the Real World with babies
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
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