Kareoke will never be a sober sport
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
