I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
This is classic penis vs brain.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
