I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Randomize
