She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
