he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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