I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
I'm both gender and math confused
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
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