we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
