If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
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