Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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