Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
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