imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
