I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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