Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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