two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
