I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
