mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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