just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Randomize
