Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
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