I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
