careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
